I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
