I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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