I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
