He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
