oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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