Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
