My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
