you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
