omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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