Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
