I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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