So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
