okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize