His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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