Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
