What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
