she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
