He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am one with the molecules
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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