Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
