Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My dick has a subreddit
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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