would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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