Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize