Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
