i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
