she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
