after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
