I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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