Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
