Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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