let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
