Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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