how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
