i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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