We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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