Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
