Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
