i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
