well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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