I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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