I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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