Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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