I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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