Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
