I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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