none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
