taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
