I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
