margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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