U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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