She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
