I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
