Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love you.
Bad choice
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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