He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
