i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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