I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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