And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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