I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
