I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize