Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
