1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize