Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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