If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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