I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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