Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
