I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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