OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
