I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
