So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
