i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
