Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
