I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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