Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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