You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
