I hate your face
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
