So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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