Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
