Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
