Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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