he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize