when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
