I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
