you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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