why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
